


Razor Bullet

by JosieRuby1



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Crime Fighting, Fun, Hungry, and a useless criminal, hunger, just for fun, razor bullet is a stupid name, silly things, skulduggery and valkyrie break into places a lot, valkyrie is grumpy when hungry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 04:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16211702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosieRuby1/pseuds/JosieRuby1
Summary: Skulduggery and Valkyrie are hunting down a villain with a ridiculous name but Valkyrie is /hungry/





	Razor Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> Fictober day 5: Take all you need.

“So, run me through this one more time?” Valkyrie commented. “We’re breaking into this poor unsuspecting guy’s house because some crazed fugitive may or may not have broken in here before us?” She shook her head, as Skulduggery continued to work the lock, looking at her questioningly. She didn't need a face on him to be able to read the expressions that might be on there. “Don’t you think the _mortal_ who lives here might find it somewhat strange to have a skeleton and a teenage breaking into his home, whether or not the idiot before us came this way?”

“Well, I can’t help it that my partner is a teenager, age faster and then this won’t be a problem,” Skulduggery said.

“Ah yes,” Valkyrie said, dryly, “because me being a teenager is the biggest problem there. Anyway, I am starving, I am a growing girl, Skulduggery, I need food if I am to keep doing all this fighting.”

Skulduggery looked at her for a moment longer before just turning back to the door and popping it open. “Ladies first.” He said, offering the doorway for her.

“No, no, age before beauty,” She said, waving him through. Skulduggery went in before her, as Valkyrie continued to talk, ignoring her rumbling stomach. “So, what was this guy’s name again?”

“Peter Jenkins,” Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie was confused for a moment then realised, “No, not the one who lives here, the one we’re chasing.”

“Oh. Razor Bullet.” Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie sniggered. “You’re joking?”

Skulduggery nodded, “Unfortunately I am. Not all people have the foresight to pick a decent name.”

“I was 12!” Valkyrie said. “Twelve years old, young and impressionable and I still picked something decent.”

“As I said, not all people.” Skulduggery said. “Now, Razor Bullet is a concerning man, one that we don't particularly-" Skulduggery broke off suddenly.

"What?" Valkyrie asked, and she followed Skulduggery's outstretched finger.

A man, mortal, not sorcerer, was laying on the floor, unconscious or dead. She bent down, there was no blood, no obvious signs of injury but that was the problem with sorcerer's attacks, it was so easy to look as though he had simply fallen over. She pressed two fingers to his neck and let out a small breath of relief.

"He's alive. He's just unconscious." Valkyrie said. "He's gonna be fine. I'm guessing that means that Razor Bullet," She struggled to say the name without rolling her eyes, it really was ridiculous. "Has been here?"

Skulduggery nodded. They traipsed further through the house. In the kitchen, they found a portly man, in an ill-fitting suit that looked as though he had owned it since the Victorian era. Valkyrie didn't comment on that. Nor did she comment on the fact that he was casually sitting at the kitchen table eating an apple.

"About time you got here," He said. He had a thick RP English accent, the type people put on when they wanted to mock the Queen or the English generally. Valkyrie just stared. It really was hard to take him seriously, even if Skulduggery was sure he was a threat. "I've been waiting for you to join me."

Razor Bullet lifted his arms to throw an elemental powerball at them, but Valkyrie acted quicker. She twisted the air around her and did what was basically a large gust of wind towards him, knocking him backwards off the chair. It had been fire he had planned to send and losing his balance caused the fireball to fly up to the ceiling, leaving a scorch mark.

Valkyrie’s stomach growled again but she ignored it. She needed to stay focused. Although she didn’t really need to do much. Razor Bullet had been dazed by the fall and it had been easy for Skulduggery to hit him with the side of his gun and knock him out.

Valkyrie grinned. “Now we can get food?” She asked, hopefully.

“We’re in a kitchen,” Skulduggery commented. “There’s plenty of food here I’m sure.”

“Skulduggery, this is someone’s house.”

“And that someone is unconscious. And we’ve stopped a lot worse things from happening. If you eat some food, I’m sure he won’t mind too much. Plus. He won’t know. He’ll think it was the person who knocked him out.” Skulduggery commented. He opened a cupboard. “Take what you need.”

Valkyrie couldn’t find a flaw in his logic – or she was too hungry to – so she helped herself to a share pack of Cool Original Doritos. “I’m going to eat this entire packet and you’re not going to judge me.” She told Skulduggery.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He promised.


End file.
